SPECIAL NOTES: Here is a very brief, tongue-in-cheek news
article or news release. It may help you to know that "Goldy
Gopher"--the subject of this news release--is the mascot of the University of
Minnesota sports teams. (Note that a normal news article or news release
would not have subtitles.)
Rough-Draft News Article
University of Minnesota
Copyright by Jennifer Serber
Goldy Gopher Found Dead at the River Flats
by
Jennifer Serber
Introduction
At four am on Sunday, October 1,
2000, the Twin Cities University of Minnesotas own mascot, Goldy Gopher, was
found dead at the river flats after the Fighting Illini lost the football game
to the Gophers the day before.
Who: Goldy Gopher
Goldy Gopher had been the mascot
at the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities for the past 150 years. His
duties as mascot included performing at athletic events, new student convocation
and other various university sponsored programs.
What and Where: Dead at 4 am on October 1, 2000
Goldy was found dead on October 1,
2000 almost twelve hours after the conclusion of the Gopher/Illini football
game. His large head had been removed and thrown 10 feet from the rest of
his body. Joe Schmo, the passer-by who found Goldy stated, "The whole
situation is sad, really. He [Goldy] brought so much love to this university.
I dont know what we are going to do without him."
Why: Illini fans upset about the outcome of the football game
Authorities suggest foul play was
involved and have taken three Irate Illini fans into custody for questioning.
The three men were seen earlier tipping over trash cans by the super block
and expressing their disappointment in the games final score. "We had
that game, man! If it werent for that stupid gopher running around, the
Minnesota fans would have been cheering for us," one of the men said who
was later taken in by the police.
Where: At the river flats
The river flats are a secluded
area on campus near the Mississippi River. They are an area where most
students go to study or play sports on nice days. "I loved going down
to the river flats on sunny afternoons," exclaimed Sally Smith, "but
after what happened to Goldy, I just wont feel safe there anymore."
Conclusion
The University Police Department
is working along with the Minneapolis Police Department in trying to put an end
to this case. The river flats at the University will be closed until
further notice. A funeral for Goldy will be held at noon on Wednesday,
October 4 at Berman Field to commemorate the many years Goldy gave of his life
to support the University of Minnesota.