Chapter 18: FIVE SPECIAL METHODS
What are five very simple but surprisingly
effective revision techniques? ---
Mixed-Length Sentences
Active vs.
Passive Verbs
Orderly Descriptions
Standard
English vs. Slang
Transitions
as Words & Paragraph Bridges
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Also
See "Spell
and Grammar Check" in the "What Is
'Revising'?" chapter.
---
Introduction
Do you want to make a dramatic difference in whether
or not your writing is actually read? Do you want your content to be
especially clear and your writing interesting when you write as an academic
person and as a professional? Learning these five simple but very
effective methods of revising can make the difference between low and high
grades in college, and so-so or excellent salaries and future prospects in your
future profession. You may already partly or completely follow one or two
of these. Try all five. Each is simple to apply in the revision
stage, and each one is something that excellent writers learn to master.
Mixed-Length Sentences
Mixed-length sentences are a very good thing. First, varying sentence lengths helps our
readers pay more attention to what you are writing. If you wish to convince our
readers of what you are saying, and attract them to our contents, you should make
the contents easy to read. One way of doing this is by varying the lengths of
sentences and paragraphs. This is a technique used by many magazine editors.
Sentences and paragraphs that are all the same length--all short or all
long--lead to boring reading, much like listening to the constant drone of an
air conditioner. Here is an example:
CHOPPY SERIES TO BE CHANGED:
We drove to town.
We ate at Sally's Grill.
The
food was tasty.
We left Sally's by 7.
We went to a movie.
TO LONGER, COMBINED SENTENCES:
We drove to town and ate at Sally's Grill.
The
food was tasty and we left by 7.
Then we went to a Spiderman movie.
TO MIXED-LENGTH SERIES:
We drove to town and ate at Sally's Grill.
The
food was
tasty.
Then we left Sally's by 7 and went to a Spiderman movie.
Sometimes sentences and paragraphs all the same
length even can lead to making your readers fall asleep! So unless you are
trying to give your readers a nap, vary both sentence and paragraph lengths,
mixing short and long as above.
Active vs. Passive Verbs
One particularly noticeable mark of
good scholarly and professional writing is that it often uses the active verb
voice and avoids the passive verb voice. What is the difference? In
the active voice, the verb shows who is doing something:
Diana built her
house.
However, in the passive verb voice, something is
done. Usually there is an extra verb ("is" or a version of it), and
you can't always tell who actually "did" the action. For example,
The house was built.
The house was built by Diana.
Here are more examples:
Active vs. Passive
ACTIVE: Dr. Jane Mowers believes
freedom is valuable.
PASSIVE: It is believed that freedom is valuable.
ACTIVE: Mowers said, however,
that freedom has a price.
PASSIVE: It was said that freedom has a price.
ACTIVE: You can believe that she has
studied the issue.
PASSIVE: It is to be believed that the issue has been studied.
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As you can see from the examples,
it is better to use the active voice, which is the more direct, clear, and interesting way
of writing verbs. The active voice gives credit to
whomever is involved in the thought, word, or deed. The passive voice not
only doesn't easily tell us who is doing the something done, but the passive
voice also often uses more words.
However, there are exceptions. Sometimes it is better
to use the passive voice. One major reason for this is because your
professional workplace expects it: it is part of the normal style of writing
everyone is expected to
follow. Another--better--reason is that
sometimes you purposely do not want to give credit for action to anyone.
For example, you might write "The first step was finished at 8 am; the second
step was completed by 9 am, and the third step was done by 10 am." You
might want to do this in order to avoid continual use of the word "I" so that
your writing doesn't sound self-centered, or you might not know who completed
each step.
For more on the active vs. the passive voice, see
the "Proposals" chapter. However, most of the time, especially in academic
writing, readers prefer the active verb voice.
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Orderly Descriptions
Another mark of interesting and easier-to-read
writing is that descriptions flow in an orderly fashion. For example, if you are
describing a room, you should sweep through the room from left to right or right
to left in an orderly manner, step by step, rather than describe something here,
something over there, and something here again, hopping around in a haphazard
fashion. Compare these two versions:
Unordered vs. Ordered
NOT ORDERED: The yard was filled with
the kinds of objects that he liked to purchase at country sales. A
big old plough share--the smooth, shiny, cutting plate on a plough--was
there. A door of an outhouse with a moon cut into it also was
there. He also saw a small trap for capturing rabbits, a big
bow-shaped saw, and three really old Christmas ornaments made of thin,
colored glass.
ORDERED USING A THREE-DIMENSIONAL
PICTURE: The big old farmyard was filled as far as the eye could see
with the kinds of objects that he liked to purchase at country sales.
They spread between two fences on the left and right, and from the
driveway where he stood to the front of the house, with some lying on
the ground and others against the fences or the front of the house.
Leaning against the fence on the left, he spotted a big old plough
share--the smooth, shiny, cutting plate on a plough.
He scanned a little to the right and,
against the front of the house was an outhouse door with a moon cut into
it. On the grass in front of it, lying flat, was a small trap for
capturing rabbits, and beside it a big bow-shaped saw. He scanned
the whole yard further until his eyes lit on the right-hand fence.
There, hanging from part of the fence, were three really old christmas
ornaments made of thin, colored glass. |
The
second version, though longer, is so much easier to read and understand because
it places the objects in a three-dimensional view with a left-to-right
organizational order. Whether you are describing a picture like this, a
series of events, a visual or graphic image, or anything else that has a number
of items or elements, find a way to provide an easy-to-understand order or other
organizational pattern to help your readers.
Standard English vs.
Slang
Another important element of revising your use of language is to
not use slang. Scholarly and professional writing avoids it. Almost everyone grows up using some form of
slang--highly informal words or phrases typical of a limited region of the
country or type of interest group on television or elsewhere. Slang can
vary culturally, geographically, and historically in a variety of phrases: for
example, "Yo," "Dude," to "'rassling a critter," "say, matey,"
or "Like for sure, no way--that's so rad!"
English is one of the hardest languages
in the world to master for non-native speakers to master, partly because there
is so much slang and so many idioms (words or phrases that don't follow the
regular rules of grammar, like "He's just not that into you"). Slang is not inferior to Standard English
(formal English), just different. It is neither bad nor good. However, it
can get in the way of communicating effectively and easily to larger audiences
or to people from different areas or cultures. This is why Standard
English is expected in formal scholarly--college--and professional writing.
Don't give up your slang if you like it; but use Standard English when writing
formal papers.
Transitions
as Words and Paragraph Bridges
First, what are
transitions? They are phrases and words that create a
bridge or signal a direction, often at the beginning of a
sentence, or at the beginning or end of a paragraph or body section.
Here are some typical
transition words & phrases. They are primarily used
for starting sentences, or in starting or ending paragraphs or
sections.
Transitions
(12-'04)
ORGANIZATION:
First, Second, Third, A first reason, a second reason, a third reason, One major
reason, In addition, One more, Another, Next, A related issue is, One important
idea is, Finally, In conclusion, In the end,
SIMILARITY:
Another, Furthermore, Related to this is, In comparing, In addition, As stated
above, This is similar to, Like this, This is like, Add to this the idea that,
Considering that, In the end, To summarize, According to, The preceding, The
following, As part of this, Also there is,
RESULT:
Because of this, As a result, Therefore, It follows that, Why is this so?, What
is the reason?, Add to this the idea that, Considering that, Before/after this,
In the first place, In the end
DIFFERENCE:
However, Yet, …but, In spite of this, Unlike this, Opposing this is, To
differentiate, In contrast, By comparison, This is different from, This is not
the, In disagreement with this, On the one hand…on the other, neither…nor,
Before/after this, Though it is, In the unlikely event that, Originally, At one
time…but now,
POSITION:
One position/view/viewpoint is, Some people believe/argue/think/suggest, Others
believe, Another/different/ opposing/alternative view is that, This viewpoint
suggests/ implies/shows/leads to, Such advocates, One such belief is, An
opposing belief is,
QUOTATIONS, BEFORE:
X says/states/asks/argues, According to X, X is right/wrong when he says, X
says, however, X disagrees/ opposes this by saying, In contrast, X says, X
opposes this by saying, X argues the opposite: AFTER: X means, This
means, X’s point is, In summary, This point shows/proves/demonstrates/suggests,
implies/leads to/is the same as/ties in with, (See also “SIMILARITY,” “RESULT,”
and “DIFFERENCE” above.) |
There are hundreds
of transition words and phrases and even transition sentences. You don't
need to use them or even worry about them in your early drafting of a paper or
speech. However, they are of vital importance in the final draft, and they
can help you better develop your own thinking in middle drafting.
Where do you add transitions? Sometimes they are placed within sentences to show
a shift of thought, comparison, or contrast: for example, "Shakespeare's
language was highly poetic; however, his characters could be very
earthy." Sometimes they are placed at the beginning of a new sentence to
show a shift from the previous sentence. For example, "The particle theory
of physics suggests that light travels as particles. On the other hand,
the wave theory of physics suggests that light travels in water-like
waves." These two sentences also exemplify another form of transition: the
use of repetition to show that two similar ideas are being compared or
contrasted. In this case, the phrase "_____ theory of physics suggests that
light travels" shows that two ideas are being contrasted."
There are two purposes to transitions, and both have
to do with your thinking. As you write, you are placing your thoughts on
paper. In a final draft, these thoughts are organized in sentences and
paragraphs. Often, each paragraph is a long complete thought. In
addition, within a paragraph, a long sentence or a group of several sentences
together is a short complete thought. Each paragraph--and sometimes a
sentence or a group of sentences--is its own island sitting on your page.
Transitions are the tool that connects them. Transitions act as bridges
that enable your audience to cross easily from island to island. They tell
your audience how to leave the previous island and where to go to most easily
step onto the next island.
If it weren't for such bridges, your audience would
have to wade or swim from island to island, not quite sure what the previous
island meant nor where to find a foothold or good landing point on the next one.
In addition, these bridges help you better formulate your own thinking to make
sure that it is logical and consistent. If you cannot add a bridge between
two paragraphs, your thinking may not be logical, or you may need to add an
additional paragraph or two of explanation. For this reason, adding
transitions not only does your audience a very important favor; it also helps
you discover where the missing steps and, sometimes, the weaknesses are in your
own thinking process.
Often
transitions are placed at the beginning of a new paragraph (or the end of the
previous one) to show which direction you are taking the reader as you move into
the new paragraph. One of the best ways to add transitions is to
always be sure that the first sentence of a new paragraph answers two questions:
Two Questions for Creating a Transition
Who or what?
Who
or what is the subject of the new paragraph?
Why or how? Why
or how is the person/event/object tied in with the previous paragraph? |
If you answer these two questions, you
are not only providing a transition or bridge between two paragraphs (or between
two topic sections). You also are providing a topic sentence for your
paragraph. Observe how the answers to these two questions help form the
first sentence of each of these two paragraphs and create a topic sentence for
each:
Two Paragraphs with "Bridging"
Topic Sentences
In the 1800s, early urban studies of how people organize cities
suggested that people preferred orderly designs. For this reason, many
planned cities or added subdivisions in the 1800s through the first part
of the 1900s were organized on perfectly arranged grids of squares or
rectangles with all streets facing north-south and east-west. Such
designs were practical and efficient.
In the 1900s, however, urban studies of city organization began
suggesting that people preferred living on streets with nooks and
crannies, dead ends, and varying sizes of blocks. This preference led to
the rise of many suburban developments--and some planned cities--with
planned streets that were circles, loops, curves, and other shapes that
gave people living on them a greater feeling of individuality and
difference. Such designs, while not always practical, were more
interesting and enjoyable.
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Actually, there are several kinds of transitions
used in these two paragraphs. Each is highlighted in some way below. Some are
repetitions of key words or phrases; others show a change, comparison, or
contrast. To discover some of them, you will need to read--and then compare and
contrast--both paragraphs. See if you can pick them out and identify what
they are doing:
Same Two Paragraphs with Transitions Marked
In the 1800s, early
urban studies of how people organize cities suggested that people
preferred orderly designs. For this reason, many planned cities
or added subdivisions in the 1800s through the first part of the 1900s
were organized on perfectly arranged grids of squares or rectangles with
all streets facing north-south and east-west. Such
designs were practical and efficient.
In the 1900s, however, urban studies of city organization began
suggesting that people preferred living on streets with nooks and
crannies, dead ends, and varying sizes of blocks. This preference led to
the rise of many suburban developments--and some planned cities--with
planned streets that were circles, loops, curves, and
other shapes that gave people living on them a greater feeling of
individuality and difference. Such designs, while
not always practical, were more interesting and
enjoyable.
|
Adding parallel phrases and words like this may take
some time if you have written your early drafts differently. However, by
adding such bridges, you not only are checking your own thinking to see if it is
logical; you also are making your writing (and--if you are giving a speech--your
talking) much clearer to your audience.
Conclusion
With these five simple revising techniques--fixing
or using
Mixed-Length Sentences
Active vs. Passive Verbs
Orderly Descriptions
Standard English vs. Slang
Transitions
--you can dramatically increase the quality of your
style and the clarity of your content. The difference can be like night
and day. Try them yourself. The more you use them in revising, the
more--as with many revision techniques--you'll find yourself using them almost
automatically as you write first drafts. And the more your writing will
not only be read but taken quite seriously and even enjoyed by others.
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